I have a limited support network, and for me twitter can be a place for me to share though often I limit what I share. Often I can go through an entire week of nights speaking to just a single other person other than patients. Especially with covid and being in a new place. It can be isolating. I shared at the end of what I considered a horrendous day and provoked some discussion. Several of my twitter network reached out with support which was much appreciated.
Reflection
One of things this did was cause me to reflect. Just what is a horrendous day?
For me I am not sure I could answer. This is something that is evolving. A couple of years ago I walked out of a consult room exhausted and broken after seeing 40+ sick animals in a single day and asked my colleague if their day was as bad as mine.
More recently I resuscitated a patient, intensively managed them through the next 12 hours and kept them alive to pass over to day team. I considered that to be a horrendous night.
And this weekend. It was horrendous because it was emotionally draining, whilst at the same taking every single skill I have gained as a vet. Unfortunately even with extraordinary effort it was a sad outcome. Yet it was straight onto the next patient. There was no time to stop.
Development
Through reflecting on this I realised that though time has flown by I have developed and progressed. I have come a long way since graduating and joining the profession as a new graduate. Though I still have a long way to go however every day I try to improve. Some of the patients I am seeing now would have broken me when I first graduated.
It’s not just the clinical skills. It’s the skills that are not taught in the classroom. Those that come from experience. The ones taught by making mistakes. Being able to communicate with people. Being able to listen without interrupting. Being able to manage the feeling of panic building up inside and take the next step. Being able to know when to do nothing. Being able to have that discussion when its time.
I am sure I will experience more horrendous days. As I become further from graduation I am hopeful that these will become less common.
Coping
It is important to have the ability the deal with days like this. For me I think it is important that they are recognised as such, and I have realised that it is ok to do so. It is not a failure or weakness. These used to be days where I would binge eat, shut myself away and watch movies. For me now they are days where I will take a walk. Eat extra healthy. Reflect. And let go.
