Sometimes you get a piece of paper that seems so insignificant. Yet represents so much. I’ve got a few of these now. Sometimes they come with special ceremonies, though most of these I’ve skipped where possible. I am not keen on the fuss. And have never really seen the point.
I remember back when I went to get my GCSE results many years ago when I turned up they were not with the rest. And my head teacher at the time had them. She asked me if I knew why, and off course I had no idea. I collected them and just continued on with my day without a second thought. More recently I found out that I had set a school record, and I only found this out as someone apparently beat it. I had absolutely no clue. I was just me.
I am not sure what happened with my A-Level certificates. Thinking back I was in the USA at the time so they were posted to me after I returned home. Same with my first degree, I was in Slovakia already. My DVM at the end of vet school I went to graduation as one of my sponsors wanted to see photos of this. If it wasn’t for this I would have skipped this as well.
CertAVP
My latest one is the Certificate of Advanced Veterinary Practice – CertAVP for short.
This time covid means I’ve gotten an email to say I can use the 7 letters and put CertAVP after my name. My certificate however has to be printed which will not happen until after lockdown and the world starts working again.
Each time I’ve gotten one of these I have looked at it and wondered if it actually means I am good enough now. I wonder whether it is deserved. Or whether it has been given in error.
Imposter Syndrome
I have imposter syndrome. Sometimes it is a constant battle. I analyse everything I do to look for ways to do it better. I often wonder if someone better would do it differently. I always think I could have done better. It drives me to perfectionism, even though I know this is not achievable. Recently I did a new procedure, using equipment I had never used before and was successful. For me I didn’t recognise this as an achievement. I expected it as a minimum standard for me. Though I was annoyed I’d taken so long.
However what I realised I can do is to take a step back, and actually appreciate an achievement. When I receive my piece of paper, I am going take time out to celebrate. To recognise the blood sweat and tears that has gone into getting this piece of paper.
Looking forward
For me, I hope that by recognising these things I will be able to look at what I achieve, instead of where I fail. This does not mean that I will stop trying to learn from my mistakes or improve each time I do something. It means that I will have something hopefully each day that I can celebrate. That I can stop and take stock of where I am, where I’ve come from, and where I want to go next.
