I found myself in a constant state of panic this week. Dreading going in to work. Having a headache develop in the 2 hours between waking and getting to work. Once in dreading the phone ringing. Counting down the hours until I could escape back to bed. And praying nothing bad happened in that time.
My week had started with my first ever successful gastroscopy to remove foreign bodies from the stomach of a dog. However the entire time through this I was panicking inside. Not that I couldn’t do the gastroscopy. But that I would find nothing and would have done an unnecessary procedure. Or worse that I would find nothing and have to make the decision as to whether to take the dog to surgery to explore its abdomen. I do this job to improve the lifes of animals, and sometimes it is a balance between doing enough but not too much. This time the calculated risk of intervening paid off, yet after this instead of the stress vanishing it continued to build.
The week got worse, with very critical patients to deal with. The stress continued to build. I carried on even though I felt like I was drowning inside.
Something as simple as putting a patient onto fluids became a major panic that had to be done immediately. And this is where a colleague asked if I was ok as they were leaving to go home. I didn’t stop though until after the patient was settled on their fluids. And then made myself a cup of coffee and sat down and took stock of where I was. That is when I realised I was not ok. Knowing that allowed me to refocus, call a friend to chat. Treat myself to a takeaway and film. And make myself ok again.
Nights
The downside to working nights is that you wake, eat and work. Then eat and sleep. There is nowhere in that for distressing. No opportunity to see friends, or talk about what a horrendous day (night) you’ve had. You may pass colleagues, however they are just starting, and you are desperate for bed. Or they are finishing, and desperate to escape home.
When you do a 13 hour shift, it leaves just 11 hours for you. Science says 8 hours sleep is essential to proper functioning. This leaves just 3 hours. This vanishes with cooking one decent meal, showering, and preparing lunch for overnight. Plus there is the getting to and from work. Time is not your friend when you spend more time at work then you do at home.
This is on top of a rota where I often work 14 days in a row. I then get a week off before it all starts again. Unfortunately it is only towards the end of the week off where my sleeping pattern goes back to normal.
I am grateful that someone stopped to ask if I was ok, and am not sure I would have realised I was not if they had not. Recognising it allows it to be managed. However as I have found this week, it is not always easy to recognise when it is you.
If you are struggling I always recommend vetlife, reach out!
